Cultivating Constructive Disagreement - Embracing Conflict Leadership

Cultivating Constructive Disagreement: Embracing Conflict Leadership

The Cost of Avoiding Conflict

A couple of conversations in the last week have stuck with me as they go to the wider implications of not dealing with conflict. Mostly people think of conflict when they have to deal with out-of-control clients, bullying and intimidating behaviour from parents at schools, overbearing work colleagues, all the usual suspects when we think of conflict. As a conflict leadership coach, these scenarios are familiar terrain. However, there's another dimension to consider.

Cultural Dynamics and Constructive Disagreement

The first conversation was with a colleague, just back from one of his regular trips to Asia and Europe, and his concern that often cultural norms discourage pushing back against authority. This is a problem that can arise anywhere, but it will be more evident in a culture that, amongst other things, prioritises respect for leadership and is very conscious of not causing anyone to lose face. But, for him to do his job well, he needs pushback - if he is wrong, he needs that to be pointed out, or at least be forced to properly defend his positions.

So the issue here is the avoidance of (perceived) conflict for cultural reasons, and we now have a leadership problem, and it isn't really to do with conflict. Rather it is how do you build a team culture that encourages constructive disagreement to ensure first, that you get the best outcomes, and second, that you tap into the full potential of your team members.

(Is it relevant to point out that this conversation was post early morning Aikido training, which could be described as constructive disagreement - we take turns attacking each other and we all get better at dealing with physical conflict as a consequence of our mutually agreed conflict like practices, and then we work out how to take that learning off the mat.)

As an aside, I had a similar issue in the Middle East where many of the middle management workers were guest workers from the sub-continent and were concerned that speaking their minds would be interpreted as disrespectful to the often not very well qualified managers, and thus put their visas at risk. In many instances, their reading of the situation was almost certainly correct. In this case, the cultural issue was not conflict or the lack of it, but rather weak leadership based on positional authority.

Leadership's Role in Encouraging Dialogue

The second conversation was with an executive coach who shared that with her clients, in their quiet honest moments, the prevalent fear they have is of having difficult conversations, which they basically avoided as much as possible. So, same issue, but it is coming from the team leader rather than the team members. The fear is personal and visceral and may have deep roots, but the solution is skill-based. If you are a leader you should feel obliged to get the best out of your team, and if you or they feel awkward about disagreement, that is not going to happen.

So, how will you encourage constructive disagreement in your team, while remembering that Google's research into the most effective teams had at the top of the list of their team culture psychological safety and that all members spoke for roughly the same amount of time?

Here are some suggestions:

Having presented a proposal to your team, say something like, "OK, assume we have taken this proposal to the client and they hate it. I need everyone to come out with at least 3 reasons why they might have that reaction." And get them to write them down in silence so that they are not swayed by your or other influential opinions. You have found a safe way to force everyone to disagree with you, and, bonus, you have linked your conflict leadership to developing critical thinking expertise.

At the end of every meeting, do a quick whip around and ask "What is one way in which this meeting could have been improved?" With this managerial habit, you will have linked Conflict Leadership with Effective Meeting Practice and Continuous Improvement.

These and similar strategies allow us to use concerns about conflict to drive a culture change that encourages constructive disagreement, and leaves person-based conflict, either real or imagined and feared, behind.

This is why my programs are based around Conflict Leadership and not conflict management or conflict resolution. I don't want conflict managed or resolved away, I want a culture where conflict is led to a place of constructive disagreement and eventually, constructive disagreement is the norm and conflict looks and feels a bit weird, but if it happens everyone knows how to lead it to a better place.

Take Action

If you're interested in enhancing your team's ability to lead through conflict, explore our Conflict Leadership Training and Facilitation programs, available online for individuals and groups.