Why Conflict LEADERSHIP?

I sometimes get pushback when I refer to my programs as Conflict Leadership rather than Conflict Management or Conflict Resolution. People readily identify conflict leadership with Vladimir Putin rather than Ghandi when either would be an obvious candidate. But my underlying thinking relates to a number of assumptions and processes which I think are important.

Terminology

For me, the standard terminology assumes that conflict is universally negative and needs to be managed orresolved away. However, if we view conflict as disagreement with added elements of intimidation, aggression, inappropriate language or body language, then a better outcome is to lead that conflict into constructive disagreement and mine the potential in that disagreement for your team or organisation or relationship.

Hence, I call my process of Conflict Leadership - a method for leading any conflict situation to a better outcome.

Memorability

I also found that the standard programs were overly complex and not very memorable for someone dealing with aggressive conflict in the moment. When your body is reacting to a threat, you need to have embodied a simple process that you can immediately tap into. To achieve this I visualised conflict as a landscape within which you can always identify where you are in the process, and therefore what actions are required at that stage of the journey. For example, if you are attempting to show empathy and using your listening skills to understand your antagonist's issue, but they are still angry and are not interested in taking the collaborative journey with you, then you need to understand that and act appropriately. Perhaps your best response will be to instruct them to meet with HR where they will be given a letter, which will be their first warning of three, after which they will be out of a job.

The problem that we are addressing here is that without a clear understanding of where you are in the process or landscape, you won't be able to match your tactics with that stage.

A unique aspect of the MetaSkill Conflict Leadership Program is an easily remembered and logical approach to any conflict situation, which will always allow you to position yourself with respect to the inevitable stages of conflict, and consequently know what you should be doing at that stage.

This by itself removes much of the stress and anxiety from conflict - the clarity you have about the situation allows you to remain centred and to make the tactically most appropriate moves while being appropriately assertive and empathetic.

Self Leadership

Then there is the matter of self leadership. It is important to consider our internal conflicts that could be contributing to the situations we find ourselves in. According to the Psychosynthesis model, it is beneficial to reflect on our strong reactions and identify any internal work that may need to be addressed before projecting our issues onto others in a conflict. This could involve recognizing our conflict styles and how they may impact our interactions with colleagues.

At a deeper level we might go further into our personal or team psychometrics or do some coaching around Shadow and projection. Facet5 is my go to psychometrics solution - you can find out why here. When we are centred we decide to act from the best part of ourselves. Unfortunately we are all aware of being in conflict situations where that is not the case and we act from ego, defensiveness, fear of losing authority, ...pick your own complex that you might be operating from. Acting from the best part of ourselves is the personal self leadership which is the foundation for interpersonal or group conflict leadership.

Lasting Change

This final concern also aligns with James Clear's point that for lasting change or training to take hold, we must address the issue at the level of our identity and ask ourselves,

"Who am I in conflict?"

and

"Who do I want to be in conflict?"

These questions are more suited to the context of conflict leadership rather than conflict management or conflict resolution.

It is important to acknowledge the difficulty of this work. Each individual has a unique relationship with conflict, often influenced by their family and cultural background. This can result in either avoiding conflict when assertiveness is necessary or being too nonchalant about conflict without recognising its impact on others, particularly in hierarchical settings.

Aikido

A key influence on my approach is the Japanese martial art of Aikido. Instead of meeting force with force, Aikido emphasizes blending movements to gain control and guide the antagonist toward a non-aggressive resolution. A straightforward translation of Aikido would be The Way (Do) of Harmonious (Ai) Energy (Ki). What would "verbal" Aikido look like in a fractious meeting?

Conflict and Suffering

As part of the preparation for my programs, clients complete a short survey regarding how conflict affects them in their daily lives. This can be painful reading, and is eye opening for me the extent of the suffering, distress and anxiety that people carry with them on a daily basis. Personally, I have been deeply moved and sympathetic to clients who carry stress and anxiety from work into other areas of their lives, such as constantly feeling on edge about difficult interactions with co-workers, managers, clients, or parents (in the case of teachers). It is a privilege to help lessen that burden.

If you are a team leader, is there a level of stress and anxiety around conflict that you could or should be working to minimise?

The Result - The MetaSkill 4C Conflict Leadership System

So the simple answer to our original question is that conflict is ineveitable and to ensure that it becomes constructive disagreement willingly and intellignetly entered into, conflict requires leadership. With that in mind, I have created the MetaSkill Conflict Leadership Process, a conflict leadership methodology designed to guide difficult conversations towards the best possible outcome. This approach is based on the crucial elements of insight, self-awareness, character development, and the necessary competencies for effective conflict leadership, including assertiveness, de-escalation, process awareness, responsive listening, and problem-solving. Our methodology also draws on valuable insights from coaching backgrounds such as Narrative Coaching, Psychosynthesis and neurophysiological-based coaching, ensuring a comprehensive and holistic approach.

To find out more book a complimentary discussion on your conflict issues and take your first steps towards conflict competency for you and your team.

Talk to David About YOUR Conflict Issues

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